Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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