sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
