fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
