So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
