He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
