He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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