I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
