He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
