your room smells of hookers.
And success
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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