I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
