I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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