we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
