just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
