That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
