My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
please don't ironically join a cult
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