please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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