This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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