from now on my penis is your penis
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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