Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just gargled with NyQuil
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
