Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
