Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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