SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
