What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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