i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
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ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
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i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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