I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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