Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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