My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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