how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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