Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
