You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
