her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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