I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
