me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
