she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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