I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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