take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
