I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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