a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I love you. Go after that dick
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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