I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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