my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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