Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
