my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
