It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
