She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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