5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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