brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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