I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
