the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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