everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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