You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
i need some magic done to my vagina
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
