I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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