She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
