my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
