Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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