Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
