I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
