someone threw a dead crab at me
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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