if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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