hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I cockslap morals
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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