God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
