I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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