BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
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broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
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Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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