"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
