Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
