her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
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THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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