There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
