I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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