now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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