clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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