it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
