Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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