You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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