NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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