I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
