So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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